Suddenly I had to think of the song 'Two Hurt' again. Especially since it's snowing again. イノセントスノウ hmm? Anyway, I receiverd a textmessage from Nicola (if you don't want me to talk about it, you can send me a textmesssage):
'Hey susanne its me nicola. Is my new numer. Idk why i'm even texting you. I was gonna write you a letter but if you saw it was from england you wouldn't even read it right? Idk if you've even got this far. But hhey, ima keep going anyway. I read that message thing that you left on your blog. I didn't mean to go on it, but i clicked the wrong thing and saw that its open again. And stumbled across that post. I dont know why you feel that way. Maybe deep down you still love me. Idk. But, in advance don't blame me for your breakup with vanessa. I didn't do anything, it was you and your mind. Just like what split me and you up, just that it was my mind. But hey, i guess it was yours oto, cos you was paranoid about jade. And hey, i was kinda right all along when me and you were together. You loved vanessa too right? You just didn't realise it. So I was right, i just got the wrong person. So we're as bad as eachother. You can still have your right to hate me, i guess. But, you have no reason to hate me. Me and you weren't together when i kissed and had sex with jade. I was free and single, to my mind anyway. So i didn't do no wrong. I'm happy enough being friends with you. If you can handle it. We both don't have feelings for eachother anymorew, so it should be easier ne? I miss you still. There is a car parked in my street with a nl reg plate. And i keep seeing so many lorries from holland too. But anyawy, i'll end this rambling text."
That was a long read hmm? After I was done with it myself I ad to try really hard not to cry, since I don't want my parents and Nan to see me do so. All panicky I sent messages to Minokun and Mi-chu. Alsi I used my mothers Iphone to mail Alice.
It's just, Nicola, I don't hate you. I hate me for being such a terrible girlfriend. I guess, to me, you moved on too fast. Would like it when one of your exes did such a thing after like, a week? And then sent you happily messages about it? Especially if they promised that they'll never be with that person? Oh well, I shouldn't complain. I just hope you two are and stay happy together. Unlike me and Vanessa, which was again all my fault.
But back then, I was so stupid to believe those words 'I love you' when you said them, and now I missed hearing them from Vanessa. Cause even they're just words, everybody likes to hear them right?
I sent your message to Minokun btw, and he sent me this back (note: my replies wont be posted):
"So first she blames you for all.. And now she wants to share her blame and be happy friends ever after? I don't think you are about to forgive her, are you?""
...
" I don't see why forgiving her will help you... You probably will never see each other... And you were loyal to her... She just wasn't loyal to you.. And now she tries to make you feel sorry for her and forgive her... That is how I see this..."
...
"When I broke up with H I wasn't sleeping with another one next night... She could have been sad about losing you, but she doesn't show that with having sex..."
Doesn't he sound like a cute boy, a good boyfriend? Nah, just joking in between, it isn't good to keep serious the whole time, then I'll probably cry again.
I'm not gonna bother Pii with this, she has enough troubles with Saga already.
Btw, I'm not the one who made it possible to type this, who made me go on living.
It's like crediting XD
So, here it is..
All the credit's go to (in alphabetical order): Cookie, Mi-chu, Minoru, Pii, Riceball, Tommy, Yuta
Thanks to these 7 people I'm still sitting here, maybe not healthy, but alive. Thank you dears <3
Anyway, Nicola.
Why are you meant to be in my life?
Why can't you give me more time?
Why did you keep my number?
Why did you keep my adress?
Why.. the question which nobody can answer.
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